i saw alyssa milano today. i'm surprised i have not seen her before. i saw her from afar at first, with a very tall gentleman, both of them looking typical hollywood, enough to make me puke. i didnt know it was her because i was so far away. she was like 4'9". he was like 6'10". my initial reaction is "who is the dude robbing the cradle? thats creepy, man."

As they walked closer, i saw she was walking a little tiny tiny poodle on one of those retractable leashes that can extend like 25 feet. the smallest damned poodle i have ever seen. skinny as a rail, looked like a skeleton grafted with skin. no doubt it was genetically engineered to be absolutely miniscule. i thought to myself "oh great, just what the world needs, another skank who wishes she was paris hilton."

I glanced back at the 12 year old (oh yeah, i forgot to tell you, i am a scopophilic pedophile) and saw that she might have been skinnier than the dog. a skeleton with a full body skin graft. to make matters worse, she had her sweatshirt skankily hanging off of her pale, bony shoulder. she coulda poked someone's eye out with that thing. i couldnt tell if she was exposing her shoulder to try and be sexy, or because her size XXS sweater was too baggy to hold itself on.

At this point, i was close enough to recognize "oh shit, thats alyssa milano...no fucking way, oh god please say it aint so." at the same time, i swallowed a little bit of puke that had risen up into my mouth....feel the burn. her face was emaciated and her general demeanor even skankier when i got close. i felt the need to avert my eyes, so i watched her malnourished dog scamper across my path. defeated, sinking into an abyss of dejection and disillusionment, i was forced to accept the gutwrenching realization:
alyssa milano is NOT, in fact, one of the hottest women on the planet.

oh god, it hurts. it hurts bad.

why?


why?


again, i ask.............WHY????

oh cruel fate....so this is our God? a brat with a magnifying glass, thats what i say.